This is not a sermon. This is a testimony. It is my testimony. My name is Andrew Ho. I'm one of the few youths in Malaysia that is truly young, cute, virgin and have a genuine passion for Christ with the knowledge of how to differentiate between law and grace. The old covenant and the new covenant. I admit by the grace of God, I've already surpassed what many church elders, deacons and pastors had known when they were 21. Of course when I say that you would think that I am arrogant, ignorant and stupid. To tell you the truth, you're right. I am indeed arrogant, ignorant and stupid. Why else would I need Christ if I am perfect in every way?
Pehaps you are more familiar with being normal. Doing things the way the world does, even Christians make a set of rules for themselves. When I was 13, my brother was admited to the hospital awaiting an operation. On Sunday, the youth group decided to pray for him who was then in hospital. Everyone took turn to pray. The first one prayed for good doctors, the second prayed for good nurses, the third prayed for smooth operation, I prayed for healing. And when I opened my eyes after the prayer, I could see a few smiling faces. They probably thought I was cute for making such a prayer. One day when their children is dying, they would perhaps rethink my cuteness and see what kind of prayer would they prefer praying. I am not joking, people do die in this world. Whether you read my blog or not.
So I continued my life and I grew up in church. I've been through counselling for sharing "strange doctrines", I've been criticised. I have been apointed leader and have been stripped off as a leader. After all those years, I wont want to elaborate on the details. I only knew two things, I was right and they lost it all. I sometimes pity what I've done to my pastor. I grew up an angry person because of ONE bad counselling session at 13 years old. I was terribly wrong. But I learnt to forgive him after a short while, 7 years. I did somehow appreciate what this poor youth church had taught me. I came out well trained, much more than any random youth in other churches. I was stupid. And even more tired when I turnt 18 I did not attend any churches for 18 months.
As a young boy, I did not know better. I was tired of going to church, and I was tired when the church tried to suck the life out of me. They always wanted more from me, to serve, to do this and to do that. They took all the fridays, saturdays and sundays of my youth. I was yet to understand the concept of "serving out of overflow" then. It was all complaining and reluctance. But I did it. So don't brag about being zealous of God in front of me. We had all been zealous. That doesn't makes any of us special.
So I had my story and you had yours. Perhaps your story is even better and more colourful. But if there is one thing that's really important above that. It would be how Jesus had sticked around for us over all those years. It would be nomatter how stupid or how smart I was, nomatter how hard or how easy the days were. Jesus was there. People really do come and go. But He doesn't, He moved in for good the day you open your heart to Him. And He wouldn't leave, ever.
Eventually I went back to church. And I came back with a little dream which has been in my heart for many years. I came back to serve, which field? If I would say I want to "do" the LCD projector, many churches would welcome me. But I am only interested just as I am gifted in two fields in church ministry. NO.1 washing the toilets, NO.2 preaching the word. If this is not the right time, I would start from washing the toilets. I have lots of patience. And perhaps someday in the 10 year anniversary of this post, I would be able to stand on a stage and tell you what all these time are for.
Pehaps you are more familiar with being normal. Doing things the way the world does, even Christians make a set of rules for themselves. When I was 13, my brother was admited to the hospital awaiting an operation. On Sunday, the youth group decided to pray for him who was then in hospital. Everyone took turn to pray. The first one prayed for good doctors, the second prayed for good nurses, the third prayed for smooth operation, I prayed for healing. And when I opened my eyes after the prayer, I could see a few smiling faces. They probably thought I was cute for making such a prayer. One day when their children is dying, they would perhaps rethink my cuteness and see what kind of prayer would they prefer praying. I am not joking, people do die in this world. Whether you read my blog or not.
So I continued my life and I grew up in church. I've been through counselling for sharing "strange doctrines", I've been criticised. I have been apointed leader and have been stripped off as a leader. After all those years, I wont want to elaborate on the details. I only knew two things, I was right and they lost it all. I sometimes pity what I've done to my pastor. I grew up an angry person because of ONE bad counselling session at 13 years old. I was terribly wrong. But I learnt to forgive him after a short while, 7 years. I did somehow appreciate what this poor youth church had taught me. I came out well trained, much more than any random youth in other churches. I was stupid. And even more tired when I turnt 18 I did not attend any churches for 18 months.
As a young boy, I did not know better. I was tired of going to church, and I was tired when the church tried to suck the life out of me. They always wanted more from me, to serve, to do this and to do that. They took all the fridays, saturdays and sundays of my youth. I was yet to understand the concept of "serving out of overflow" then. It was all complaining and reluctance. But I did it. So don't brag about being zealous of God in front of me. We had all been zealous. That doesn't makes any of us special.
So I had my story and you had yours. Perhaps your story is even better and more colourful. But if there is one thing that's really important above that. It would be how Jesus had sticked around for us over all those years. It would be nomatter how stupid or how smart I was, nomatter how hard or how easy the days were. Jesus was there. People really do come and go. But He doesn't, He moved in for good the day you open your heart to Him. And He wouldn't leave, ever.
Eventually I went back to church. And I came back with a little dream which has been in my heart for many years. I came back to serve, which field? If I would say I want to "do" the LCD projector, many churches would welcome me. But I am only interested just as I am gifted in two fields in church ministry. NO.1 washing the toilets, NO.2 preaching the word. If this is not the right time, I would start from washing the toilets. I have lots of patience. And perhaps someday in the 10 year anniversary of this post, I would be able to stand on a stage and tell you what all these time are for.
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1 comment:
Thank you, Bro. Andrew Ho - this is your testimony of reality. Grace and Rest in Christ is what we need not performance and sweat. Like Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus and our lives will never be the same again. Sunny
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